Eldership: More Ideas on What, Why and How
In the previous edition of Coromind, I introduced the concept of Eldership and defined it as ‘the capacity to be with a person or situation in a way which catalyses and supports their or its development’.
I introduced the first of the self-focused abilities, namely ‘Being present with one’s own vulnerability’ and ‘Letting go of the need for validation’ and the first of the other-focused abilities, ‘Being gracious with the differently informed’ and ‘Being generous’. You might have tried them since or seen them in action. You might have noticed when they were missing in your or someone else’s behaviour. Either way, if you read the article, your awareness of them has hopefully been heightened and your sensitivity to them increased.
Here are three more of the self-focused abilities for you to consider.
- Being still with another. The elder can remain still with another even when the other is working through an issue that may be very painful or emotionally laden for the elder. The elder can transcend his or her own feelings and not need to deny them. In fact, the elder is strengthened as he or she can speak from the perspective of having experienced at least a similar depth of feeling to the other, if not the identical feeling.
- Surviving ‘naked’. A true elder is still the same being when all the support structures such as money, status, rank, power, friends and connections are stripped away. The elder is in a way even more present when ‘naked’, as there are no barriers to forming a close relationship – no barriers of fear, envy, pride or perception.
- Knowing one’s truth. The elder knows what he/she knows, trusts that knowledge and makes decisions informed by it. The elder is both generous and reserved with that knowledge and will choose where and when to offer it. He/she also knows the limits of that knowledge and when reaching the edge of it will either pull back, engage to learn more, or ask for help.
And here, three more of the other-focused abilities.
- Moving in and out of intimacy. The elder can operate in highly intimate situations, sharing a very close relationship with another for a finite length of time. Stepping away from this intimacy can cause feelings of sadness or loss if the elder tries to cling to the moment or the relationship that was. The elder can reconnect to his or her own self and resume that intimate relationship.
- Speaking one’s truth. The elder is prepared to state his/her truth where it matters. Not for aggrandisement or reward but because it is important in the moment and will contribute to the context at that moment. The elder will do this recognising that there may be mixed consequences in the short or long term.
- Withstanding challenges. An elder will be challenged by people (and situations) who see the world differently – people who have different values, people who may claim to be more ‘pragmatic’ or ‘down to earth’. The elder recognises that these perspectives are valid and is undeterred by what can seem like an onslaught or an attack. The elder accepts the challenge and sees it as an opportunity to learn.
Give these abilities some thought and ask yourself how you are doing on your journey towards Eldership.
And keep an eye out for the rest of the abilities in the next edition of Coromind.
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