The Keys to a Happy, Healthy, and Humming Relationship
I sit down to write this with a song stuck in my head …I’m not entirely sure whose version of the song, penned by Marvin Gaye and Kim Weston, it is that’s on repeat in my brain, but you know the one.
One can have a dream, baby
Two can make a dream so real
One can talk about being in love
Two can see how it really feels
… It takes two baby, it takes two-ooh bay-be-ee, just me and you!
Actually, maybe if you’re under 35 or so you don’t know that particular song, but you know plenty of others. Love songs. We humans love love. In fact, it is the core emotional need of human beings, we all want to be loved and accepted for who we are.
Usually, it begins well. Most of us are lucky enough to be born to parents that love us deeply and do their very best to show it. As we grow older, we usually find a true friend or two that love us, enjoy our company and have our back. Then most of us decide to dive into the biggest love adventure of our lives, becoming a two-ooh baby, just me and you. A couple. Mmm, I’m in LOVE and it feels AMAZING! For a while at least.
Our couple relationship(s) is usually the biggest time and energy commitment of our lifetime. It’s a massive investment. And the potential is there for that investment to reap massive rewards, not only for us as a couple, but for our children, our businesses, the wider community, indeed, the whole of society. Healthy, humming, happy couples can change the world. But relationships are hard work, and we get almost no training for this critical undertaking. We do come with some software, pre-installed by our family, friends, culture and past experiences, but it turns out there are quite a few bugs in those programs, and even some very nasty viruses!
What’s the biggie? We seem to be doing OK just running the unconscious programs and getting by. Maybe? But what would it look like if we were really ace-ing it? What would it look like if instead of going stale after a while, our partnerships got better and stronger with each passing year? Instead of drifting apart and losing connection to each other, we deepened and widened that connection and trust. How would it feel if instead of your sex life slowly morphing into a comfortable routine, or puttering out altogether, it got turbo charged and took you to heights of passion and ecstasy you had never even dreamed of? Ha! That got your attention, didn’t it!
Well, all of this is not only possible, or probable even, it’s a given. If you have the right tools and the commitment to each other to use them. It’s not just about sex of course, but it is a really really important part. Sexual intimacy and connection is the area of relationship that couples experience the most dissatisfaction with. And incredible, heart opening, reality-bending sex is also a largely untapped portal, not only to true connection and personal growth but even to success outside the bedroom!
I know, sounds crazy, but it’s true. When you are fully juiced up inside the bedroom, it flows like secret sexy sauce out into every area of your life, like magic. Family, relationships, work, you name it – it all gets better when you are having better sex.
But like I said, it’s not all about sex. Because if you can’t communicate calmly, kindly and effectively. If you can’t resolve conflict so you both feel better than you did before it arose, and if you aren’t fully committed to each other, there ain’t going to be no reality-bending, magical sex going on!
I’m passionate about the power of love. I think we need radical change in this world and happy, healthy, humming couples can create a rock solid foundation for that change to manifest. So, along with Matiu I co-created a course to teach the keys that unlock your Couple Power: Communication, Conflict resolution, Commitment and Cuddles. Over the next few months, we will share some of those tools with you, right here in Coromind. Until next time.
Aroha nui,
Lana & Matiu
Check out Lana and Matiu’s website, Confident Loving Man.
Words by Lana Garland
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