Why artists must keep changing
I previously shared a story of my time in Pádraig Ó Tuama’s poetry retreat, and my lesson in regaining ownership of naming myself an ‘artist’. I have denied and fought to regain this name countless times, the fight with the voice of self doubt is a constant battle and at each foray, I try to return to the comfort of my mantra that ‘evolution is uncomfortable’.
I find great solace in this simple truth, and I ponder the possibility of evolution, of the growth and depth that can be found in discomfort when I’m reflecting and questioning, the necessity of the artist.
For many years, in my music practice, the imposter would sneak in through dark cracks of self-knowing, thriving on sabotage of all I had built. She would ask “Who the hell do you think you are?” and serve a platter of comparisons, to those more successful, more talented, more infinitely interesting.
I refused to call myself a musician because I didn’t play an instrument but when, on hikoi, without music to play aloud, I began to sing in rhythm with my feet on the earth, I was elated to find this supposed lack in my musical ability was not a confirmation of my limits, but an invitation to try something different.
So, I did. And because I feared my voice alone was not enough to be a musician, I pushed harder, I reached further and in doing so, my practice evolved.
This is the necessity of the artist. That we are challenged, and we change.
I’m always floored when the people in my life whom I admire, express having experienced doubt of their ability or worthiness.
My dear friend Annita is the most talented, hard-working and ever-evolving visual artist I have had the honour to know. She spends countless hours honing her exquisite craft, she is an artist I would consider an expert who refuses to stagnate for the exchange of comfort.
Of impostor syndrome, she offhandedly said to me “Oh yeah, I get that all the time. If I ever feel like an expert at my practice, I’ll do something else”.
This is the necessity of the artist. That we are willing to explore. That we refuse to stand still.
My parents have demonstrated throughout my life how performance, and art, flow into the everyday. Building projects become creative expressions of space, colour and medium. Running a business presents an opportunity to eschew the traditional cafe expectation and spread joy in creative kai and an art filled space. Even the clothes they wear, op shopped, outside of trend, home-made and rich in pattern and colour, lend eccentricity to the repetitive daily grind.
This is the necessity of the artist. That we can transform the mundane into magic.
Listening to a neuroscientist speak in a symposium recently, I was reminded of the effects of creativity on our neuroplasticity as we age.
Engaging in creative activities, even as simple as spending an hour cutting and pasting a collage for the sake of fun, helps to generate connective tissue in our brains, creative practice being a proven prevention of degenerative decline. You don’t have to be an artist of a particular discipline to benefit from art.
Nor do you need to be an expert in any field. Simply carving time to engage in a creative activity will benefit your quality, and longevity it has been shown, of life.
This is the necessity of the artist. That we are willing to try it all. That we know it is good for us even if we are not good at it.
What might happen if we honour the insecurities, hold the self-doubt in reverence, transmute it to experience and instead of denying our inner artist, turn the music up loud and sing! Take out some paper and pencils and scribble a picture, press flowers, dance, take a class, snap some photos, cook an unfamiliar meal or write a story no one may ever read.
This is the necessity of the artist. That we are inspired, and inspire. That we intrinsically know evolution is uncomfortable, but necessary.
Words by Milly Moon
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