Where are all the EGGS?!
I love omelettes! I LOVE OMELETTES! There, I said it – but to make an omelette, you’ve got to break a few eggs. Imagine my horror on a recent shopping trip when I realised that the eggs were as scarce as hen’s teeth. “Are chickens laying fewer eggs nowadays? Like humans having smaller families, they’re just too busy with life …” My head was spinning.
How?
How can there be no eggs on the egg aisle? A shelf packer solved my puzzle. Or a stock distributing engineer, whatever new age term people give themselves to make their job seem more important.
“Can’t sell caged chicken eggs anymore, dude.”
My world turned inside out. My initial thoughts were, “Are caged hens free now? Like when Nelson Mandela was released, will they thrive? Or will they struggle to handle everyday life and try to get arrested and get back in the cage?!”
Can they even walk? Can they free range it? What if they can’t? Will they be murdered? They don’t know this new life!”
Clearly I was losing my mind. I googled it and sure, there before my egg-starved eyes, “Battery cages were to be phased out by 1 January 2023.” It was initiated by the National government ten years ago. The hens had a date for when they could fly the coop.
It was necessary too. The cages directly breach the Animal Welfare Act 1999 which requires that the physical, health and behavioural needs of animals be met. The overcrowded conditions of colony cages prevent hens from displaying normal patterns of behaviour and living a life free of unnecessary pain.
Ten years though. Surely, during those ten years, the supermarkets could have struck a deal with the free range farmers and be prepared for this eggademic?
So, I’ve a theory on where all the eggs are. The guilt felt by farmers because of the cages was massive. So the area that the chickens have now is vast! They can’t find the hens to retrieve the eggs. It’s a real egg hunt.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Free range, innit?!
Words by Alan McElroy
Art by Lucas Rocha
