In the two previous editions of Coromind, I introduced and expanded the concept of Eldership, which I define as ‘the capacity to be with a person or situation in a way which catalyses and supports their or its development’.
In this third article of the series, I cover the last of the abilities that I have distilled so far from my own journey towards Eldership. I’m sure there are more to come; I’ll keep you posted!
Self-focused abilities
- Maintaining a light heart even when feeling sad. An elder can identify a spark of joy in a situation and nourish it to at least a small flame, either for the benefit of self or the other, and in so doing will feel joy as well.
- Being an elder to him or her self. The elder is aware of his or her needs and works to meet them in a responsible manner, knowing that he/she has an obligation to maintain ‘fitness’ as an elder. This fitness includes at least the social, mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and collegial aspects of life. Good maintenance will involve an active focus on all of these areas as well as taking time out to simply ‘be’.
Other-focused abilities:
- Not having full access to or knowledge of the consequences of one’s work. The elder does the work for the sake of doing the work; the outcomes of it may or may not become known within the context of the work. They may occur days or weeks or even years after the event and may never be known to the elder.
- Understanding boundaries and mandates. An elder works within his or her sphere of influence, trusting that this will contribute to wider improvements. The elder addresses the immediate, the imminent, and in doing so transcends it. This is particularly difficult when working in a challenging or even toxic situation as it may be the elder’s mandate to simply support the other rather than fix the problem.
- Saying No! The elder can graciously decline requests which would be better responded to by another or at another time. He/she knows his/her limits in terms of energy, personal capability, resourcefulness, boundaries and available time. The elder will not undertake a job that he/she simply cannot do.
I trust that you have found some value in this series of articles. I trust that at least one or two of the ideas I’ve noted might serve a purpose for you. I trust that you will consider picking up the role of eldership somewhere in your life, regardless of whether you are old or young. I trust that you will do and be the best you can. I trust that we are all elders in our own way.
Go well on your journey of eldership.
Words by Dave Burton
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