The concept of Eldership is implicit in many indigenous cultures.
The concept of Eldership is implicit in many indigenous cultures. The word invokes images of age, wisdom and often a connection to the spirit world or some form of other reality. In the western context, the word has often been associated with churches or used in a biblical context. The Wikipedia entry focuses on church governance and various dictionary definitions are similarly focused, with the common themes being sobriety, reliability, fidelity and age.
So, how might we define an elder or eldership usefully in today’s world? If leadership is defined as “The capacity to pick up a role which in that moment is needed to keep things moving forward”, then eldership is definitely a form of leadership. But it differs from leadership in that it has a quality of stillness rather than action; a quality of “being with” rather than “doing with; a quality of offering information or catalysing insight rather than directing; a quality of developing rather than changing. This leads to the definition:
Eldership is the capacity to be with a person or situation in a way which catalyses and supports their or its development.
And what is the essence of eldership? It is more than just a certain set of behaviours. It demands what could be called ‘metacognition’: knowing about knowing, or knowing about how we know what we know. It demands a mindset, skills, attitudes, knowledge, and an ability to reflect that all go beyond the ‘normal’.
These abilities fall into two groups, self-focused and other-focused. Here are two of each to start you on your journey towards eldership.
Self-focused:
- Being present with one’s own vulnerability. The elder can hold their vulnerability without being overwhelmed by it or needing to dismiss it from consciousness. This could also be described as a feature of authenticity, sincerity or transparency. It has at its core the ability to acknowledge one’s own pain or fragility in such a way that it is a gift or catalyst for change rather than a burden to oneself or another.
- Letting go of the need for validation. So often we become dependent on others for our own sense of self-worth. If we get good feedback, we feel fine. If we get back bad feedback, we at least feel noticed. If we get no feedback, we feel non-existent! An elder will be comfortable with their own validation, their own sense of self-worth. You might say “Aha, many people have this quality but that doesn’t mean they’re good people; it just means they think they are!” True. This quality as with all the others does not in itself make an elder but it is a part of the whole.
Other-focused:
- Being gracious with the differently informed. An elder carries knowledge and wisdom gently and often in an almost invisible way. An elder is not a zealot beating a drum for a cause, or someone trying to convince others of what is ‘right’. Knowledge is not regarded as power or an advantage over another; it is something that is offered graciously when sought and gently restrained when not sought.
- Being generous. An elder can acknowledge the successes and achievements of others generously while understanding that those successes and achievements are completely different from their own. The elder can see progress in others without having to have it for themself and this allows a generosity of fulsome praise.
And can these abilities be learned? Absolutely! They can be learned by anyone who believes in them and who is prepared to become their own elder and learn fully about themselves.
And is eldership solely the domain of the old? No! It is the domain of the wise, the self-aware and the compassionate. It is the domain of those who are committed to the continuing development and transformation of people and organisations. It is the domain of tomorrow.
Keep an eye out for the next edition of Coromind for more about eldership. And if you want further information about the topic and how it could be relevant to you or your organisation, contact me at Potential Development (daveb@potential.co.nz).
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