We live in a society where scoring points or winning is often the approach taken when it comes to evaluating options and making decisions. Certainly at the level of government, the debating chamber is where we can see and hear this played out. But is it the best option? Does it get the best results?
How do you approach a conversation or discussion about options and decisions? Is your goal to get your point across? Hear the other points of view? Stir things up? Put someone down? Or reach a good outcome! Let’s have a look at a couple of approaches we can use:
Debate: An oppositional approach where each side attempts to prove the other side is wrong and establish their own proposal or ideas as the best way forward.
Dialogue: A collaborative approach where each side works to understand the other points of view and reach a solution that embodies the best of all the ideas proposed.
Debate is characterised by each party:
- Listening to the other party(s) to find flaws and to counter their arguments
- Establishing its solutions as the best solutions and working to exclude other options
- Operating from a closed-mind attitude and a determination to be right
- Defending its own assumptions as the truth
- Defending its positions as being right
- Attacking or belittling the other party
- Achieving their goal at the expense of the other party.
Dialogue is characterised by each party:
- Listening to the other party(s) to understand their perspective
- Seeing its position as a starting point to achieving a good solution
- Creating a space in which it is safe to be open-minded, bring new ideas and even be wrong
- Being honest about its own assumptions and being open to reconsidering them
- Letting the strengths and benefits of different ideas emerge
- Respecting the other parties
- Achieving a goal that satisfies the major needs of each party.
If the concept of dialogue appeals to you, here are some approaches to try next time you’re working with someone to evaluate options and reach a decision:
- Suspend any judgments about what others are saying
- Examine your own ideas without defensiveness
- Be clear about your reasoning and look for limits to it
- Communicate your underlying assumptions
- Explore other viewpoints more broadly and deeply
- Remain open to options other than your own
- Approach someone who sees a problem differently as a colleague in common pursuit of better solution, rather than an adversary.
Enjoy the dialogue!
Words by
Dave Burton
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