My husband and I were fortunate enough to both be home full-time with our toddler and four month old baby while I was on six months of Paid Parental Leave (PPL).
While this period did require financial and social sacrifices, we made it work and were grateful to be able to invest so much time, energy and love into our babies in those early months. We were so aware that not everyone is lucky enough to be able to do that as a couple.
While I loved being a full time SAHM (Stay-At-Home Mum) for six months, I’m excited to be back into my conservation work. As someone who spent five years studying media and marine science and even more years volunteering in the field just to get my foot in the door, I care about my career and find purpose in it – even more so now as a mother. I used to describe myself as a career woman before I became a mum and I never quite understood why some young women only ever wanted to be mothers. I even told my husband when I first met him in our early 20s that I didn’t want to have children until I was 30. I had my first baby when I was 31. Now that I’ve been a stay-at-home mum for both babies, even if just for a little while, I totally understand the appeal. The purpose, the meaning, the reward, the CONNECTION. Not to mention the immense joy of witnessing milestones and being the one to teach your child how to do things – I almost hit the roof with happiness the first time Ra put his rubbish in the bin by himself.
There is a myth that being a stay at home parent is ‘luxury’, but it’s only luxury if you don’t do the parenting part. For most people, parenting full-time is exhausting. Despite the benefits I mentioned, the mental and physical load of ensuring the constant safety and well-being of a small child is very tiring, not to mention trying to keep on top of household chores. For mums, breastfeeding and pumping is taxing on the body and even formula feeding takes up a lot of time. There is also a myth that sending your child to daycare is a luxury. But some parents, like those in America, don’t always want to do that. They would love nothing more than to stay home with their child but unfortunately can’t afford to – in America’s case, due to lack of paid parental leave.
As a millennial, I must acknowledge the growing normalisation of Stay-At-Home Dads (SAHDs). My husband has been a SAHD for over a year now. Like me, many women earn more than their male partners these days which means it just makes sense for the dad to stay home with the child, if that’s what works for them. In other cases, both parents need to work just to cover today’s insane cost of living. Long gone are the days when dad went to work, brought home the bacon and put his feet up at the end of the day while the mother worked 24/7 serving the family non-stop without pay. Sure, some women got to go shopping with their husband’s card, but I’m just saying – I’m thankful my husband shares a lot of the parenting load with me.
Whether you’re a SAHM or a career mum, both have their pros and cons. Both are hustlers. Both are mentally exhausted. Both love their children. Some have the choice. Others do not. Each to their own. I believe that most mothers are doing their best with what they have and there is no point judging other parents on how they support their family. At the end of the day, if we try our best to build connection with our children at every opportunity we have, they will grow up knowing they are loved and cared for … until they’re a teenager and don’t want to talk to you anyway!
Words by Elvisa Van Der Leden
