“Touch comes before sight, before speech. It is the first language and the last.” – Margaret Atwood, author
I look at pregnancy as nine months of mental and physical exercise in preparation for birth, similar to how the frequent toilet visits throughout the night seem like preparation for the frequent waking and feeding once baby is earthside. It’s all hard work and every woman or seahorse dad (Google it) has a different journey in pregnancy and birth. My first pregnancy with Rawiri seemed like a breeze compared to my second with Wiremu where I had much stronger symptoms, yet my first birth was much more physically and emotionally taxing. On reflection, while I was hoping for a home birth for my first son, I really wasn’t in the right headspace, nor was I educated enough on what physiological birth entails. I had just finished campaigning for my second term on the Taranaki Regional Council and was still out and about in the community almost every day, so I wasn’t invested in what was mentally required for a home birth.
Ultimately, after three days of early labour contractions and a bit of vomiting, I opted to get my waters broken at the hospital in New Plymouth to speed things along which led to other interventions such as an epidural which requires a catheter and being hooked up to a bunch of tubes. I also tore quite badly due to not being able to feel anything down there as I pushed and I even popped a blood vessel in my eye from pushing so hard. But I didn’t know what I didn’t know, and while I don’t feel traumatised by the first birth because I was open minded and loose about the birth plan, I learned so much from the experience. Thankfully, with both births I had wonderful midwives who were not only skilled in home births but also respected my autonomy and never suggested I should do anything I didn’t feel comfortable with. Having these great midwives may have been down to luck, but I am forever grateful for them as I am aware that not everyone gets such lovely care or relationships with their midwives.
I feel like I learned so much from my first birth that helped me have such a smooth home birth. For instance, I learned what it means to truly ‘surrender’ to the process and trust my body to take the lead. I also worked on changing my attitude towards birth. After Ra was born, I thought I was one and done. I never wanted to go through that again. But hormones are strong and I obviously changed my mind at some point. I completed an online course called ‘Soulful Birth’ with Carla Sargent, I followed home birth doula and midwife social media accounts and I read and listened to many different birthing stories. These efforts all helped me switch my thinking around the pain towards being a positive thing. Rather than resisting and resenting each contraction, I saw each as a step towards meeting my baby and a sign that my body was working hard to bring him into my arms. I believe working on my mental state influenced the smoother and quicker labour second time round. Additionally, the healing was so much quicker and bonding with baby was immediate from the natural oxytocin hit as he emerged.
My amazingly supportive husband, Jesse, caught both our babies. The first person to touch them was their father. The second was me as he placed them in my arms. I had a lot of hospital staff touching me and I was confined to a bed before Ra arrived. Contrastingly, at home I had so much freedom of movement and the only time my midwife touched me was to check the baby’s heartbeat. At the end of the day, they both arrived safely and were soon in their mama’s arms. Hospitals are there for a reason and I’m grateful for the free public service, but I’m also incredibly proud of myself for accomplishing the home water birth I had hoped for. A healing birth that enlightened me on how our ancestors brought forth life.
Words by Elvisa Van Der Leden
