Forget the bystander effect – Deli Connell tells us why calling out bullying should be the norm.
It seems to be the knee-jerk reaction nowadays, boosted by the accessibility of social media, to go from zero to agitated in less than 5 seconds.
In the old days, criticism and insults had a deal more creativity and, dare I say, class. You also had to have the intestinal fortitude to face up to the object of your ire, deliver your missive and risk a slap in the face with a gauntlet at best … pistols at dawn at worst.
“… a most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise-breaker, the owner of no one good quality …”
All’s Well That Ends Well (Act III, Scene VI)
“I’ll beat thee, but I should infect my hands.”
Timon of Athens (Act IV, Scene III)
“You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I’ll tickle your catastrophe!”
Henry IV Part 2 (Act II, Scene I)
William Shakespeare
Ahhh, we have much to thank Shakespeare for.
But best we save our greatest insults for a situation truly worthy of the effort.
A quick scan of social media over recent weeks (I know, why do I do it to myself?) gleaned such indignities as paying $6 for a cup of coffee, a prize jerk getting angry about the lack of pies in the local bakery and an angry recipient of a ticket from the local constabulary … technically deserved.
One post stood out however, the bullying of a staff member by a superior, in front of customers. Now here’s a reason to get annoyed. The shame is that most of us are too nervous to call out the kind of behaviour that deserves to be called out.
“… thou sodden-witted lord! Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows …”
Troilus and Cressida (Act II, Scene I)
William Shakespeare
Bullying takes many forms but usually comes down to power or size … or a perceived power or status. The boss and the employee, superior and inferior … big and small.
“I’m smart, you’re dumb, I’m big, you’re little, I’m right, you’re wrong! And there’s nothing you can do about it!” from Matilda by Roald Dahl.
Let me ask you this … is bullying okay if you’re wealthy? Has Donald Trump gotten to be the A-grade idiot he is because no-one has told him “No”?
Hmm … ponder these.
X spends quite a bit at a local bar on a regular basis, so the owner turns a blind eye to his inappropriate touching of, and language towards, young female staff.
X splashes a bit of money around the community, donates to a few sports clubs, but bullies and intimidates their staff members until they leave.
When did the amount of cash you have give you the right to be a bully? Do you know someone like this? Have you witnessed this sort of behaviour and said nothing?
“Oh, I know what he/she’s like, but he/she puts a lot of money into the community.”
“Oh, I’ve heard he’s an a*#hole but he’s never done anything to me personally.”
Let me be clear, if we stand back and ignore these kinds of behaviours, then we are complicit.
Can we be brave, in the actual moment, and call out this behaviour? Step up and intervene? Read the pedigree of the perpetrator?
We need to. We need to put on our brave pants and call it out for what it is. Social media be damned. See it? Act!
Our mental health stats are poor, suicide rates high, bullying tacitly acceptable.
Call it out!
And compliment the good folks out there making the world a better place. Those fantastic front of house staff, baristas and shop assistants … the marvellous NZ Post couriers! Look for the good and tell them to their face!
“I do love nothing in the world so well as you.”
Much Ado About Nothing (Act IV, Scene I)
William Shakespeare
Thanks, William.
Call it out … and give a shout out to those that deserve it.
My new mantra for 2023.
– Words by Deli Connell
